I keep thinking about what happened and just can't get to grips about how sad it is. Don't get me wrong, I am far from feeling sorry for myself, but.............I don't know what to say anymore, it is just so wrong what happened and I feel his loss everyday. People will say things and I will hear a line in a song, or I will see a couple walking along, so happy, and it just crushes me..........I miss my sister so much that it hurts and for the first time in a long time, I feel very lonely.............wish I could just drop round and give her a big hug and see the kids and my son and Mum and Dad. It is what it is, I know, but it would be nice if the world was a simpler place, or have I made it that complicated? See what I mean about how messed up my mind is this week!
I have not been sleeping very well at all, actually worse than I normally do, if that is possible.....lol. I have been having the weirdest dreams, most of which I cannot remember, but I just know they are weird. I know that this is all part of my grieving and getting on with my life, but if I feel this way, how do my sister and the kids feel? I cannot begin to understand the pain they must be enduring. I will end with the hope that we all find our way and be thankful that we had Nuri for as long as we did. I know it sounds very cliche, but how else can we get our heads around this? Anyway, enough of doom and gloom........I miss you, Nuri!xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
The rest of the week has been mad busy and apart from my brain feeling like it was going to jump out of my head, it has ended up being a productive week and I feel a lot more settled about things in school. There is just so much to absorb and I felt like I was cracking up at the start, but as I said, am feeling a bit more comfortable now. The amount of work is going to increase and as long as I keep organised and with the program, I will be fine. I will do this and that is all there is to it!
I started back at the gym with full workouts on Monday and must say I am so sore! It feels good, though. I have kept up with my running except for Wednesday when I was in bed for about 12 hours (a mix of depression and a run down body, I think!) I can't feel my arms today and just finished a 4km run. Have to push myself to the limit in all areas to keep my spirits up and also to just feel better physically.
The weekend approaches and I am striving to get all my work caught up by the end of it. The show with our Emma in it has been cancelled until next month, so I will not be meeting my cousins in town. Too bad! Could have done with the company.
Hopefully, one of the fellas from my class, John, will be coming over on Saturday and watching the game, either at my place or the pub up the road, and also we will help each other with some of the work that we have to do. The ICT is the biggest challenge for me. Although I like computers, this is all new territory for me and a lot of things to remember and my experience on Excel and Office is limited. I am getting better though.
I have included some pics of my campus, IM Marsh on Bexhill Road. It is a small campus, but very quaint and picturesque. I like it as it is only a 12 minute walk from my door to the campus. That beats the hour and a half each way that it will take me to get to my first placement school over on the Wirral......oh well, Seoul prepared me well for that, with 3 hours a day minimum on the subways and buses for over 2 years straight. This will be a piece of cake........lol. Another funny picture of Nina when she came to visit me in Liverpool. She had no umbrella, so the shirt had to do. We went to Anfield and visited The Hillsborough Memorial, too.
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