The last few weeks have been a little difficult to explain, but suffice to say that I have not been in the best of spirits. I am sure it is the change in the weather and the way it goes so dark, so early.
I always hated the dull, dreary days when I lived in England. The 5 o' clock gray clouds turning everywhere into a bleak, dark night........sounds depressing doesn't it.....it bloody well was, too. That was over 29 years ago and I can still feel how depressed Liverpool's Winter afternoons made me feel.
I kind of feel like that now, here in Korea. It always happens to me in the Winter and I always tell myself that I will fight the dull, depressing feeling that is bound to come, but it never works. I am not a total ball of depression, but the last few weeks, have taken a toll on my spirit, which I think is slowly coming back.
That is one of the main reasons that I want to live somewhere where the sun shines or has the ability to, all the time, everyday, every week, every month.....forever....
I have to get to that place soon, as I cannot take the bleakness of Winters like this a lot longer. Even if I got off somewhere for the Winter to a warm place and then came back, it would suit me fine.
A lot of things have been going through my mind the last few weeks. The biggest one of all is the sense of failure. I feel like I have failed at a lot of things in my life and sometimes those thoughts swirl around in my head at the most in-opportune moments. Could be on the bus, on the subway, in the middle of a conversation at the pub, at the football game, sometimes even on the pitch......believe that??????
I don't mean to sound like I think I am a failure; not in the least. I just feel like I have failed miserably at some things. It is a constant battle of guilt being away from my family especially my son who I sometimes feel I have deserted. I am not going to keep going otherwise it will be a bloody essay I will be writing and just ramblings of a lunatic on the fringe of recovery......haha.
Things are going well at school and my job is still very fulfilling. I have no complaints about that at all. I feel I am starting to look old! I know, I am sure everyone that is the same age as me or older thinks the same thing......just wanted to say it.
It doesn't help that most of the teachers here are all in their twenties and there is a general lack of mature people to hang out with......story of everyone's life, I suppose. Have no intention of hanging out with middle-aged Koreans either, as they are on another planet and act like they are old age pensioners......again, just venting, I am!!!!!
England have a chance to make it to Euro 2008, courtesy of Israel who did them a huge favour by beating Russia 2-1. Now England only need a point and they are in Euro 2008, but they still have to get the result against Croatia. If we can't get a result against Croatia, then we don't deserve to be even carrying the water bottles in a major tournament.
Not much else going on here. It has turned cold and I have been sick as a dog for the last 2 weeks and I am just starting to feel better. I think that is why I have been feeling so emotional, too. Anyway, here is to better days ahead while of course enjoying today.
Signing off in good spirits and hoping to maintain them for the next little while.
Stay tuned to this space for more bullshit to come......haha.
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