I Think My Dad Was Right!!!!

My Dad, in reference to some of the things that I have done in my life, always says, " I think we dropped him on his head when he was young, Irene!"

Well, to be quite honest, I think that he isn't far off. As the years have progressed, I seem to have done and am still doing the strangest things or act in the strangest of ways. I think what it probably comes down to is that I am just generally strange! I mean that in a good way of course, how can I not?

The last week, I posted two blogs saying how happy I was to be breaking up with the girlfriend and I was looking forward to being alone. How fast can you say "What?"

Well, that has all changed now.....yeh yeh, I hear you all!!!! I know, mental as ever, but resolute in my decision.

I thought about things all week and got things off my chest and to be honest, really tried to figure out what it was in life that I always thought was better than at this moment. I think that I suffer with 'the grass is always greener on the other side' syndrome.

I spent a few days soaking in the public baths and taking long hot saunas and just tried to get my head straight, if that is ever going to be possible. The end result of all of the ups and downs of the last week, is that I have decided to stay with the girlfriend and just enjoy the moment.




She is such a good person for me that I can't justify her not being in my life. I know that she loves me and that she would do anything for me. Isn't that what everyone wants in a partner?
I haven't been the most attentive boyfriend and she has stuck with me, so I think that I need to think long and hard before I just 'chuck' everything we have built over the last 19 months. Yes, that is right we have been together for 19 months and lived together for over 7 months.

She used to travel an hour by bus each way to visit me in Kyoungju and clean my house and cook me food. All out of the goodness of her heart, which I realize more and more now. I am just stuck in the past, judging all women as the anti-christ!!!!!

I seem to be a self-defeatist and just keep telling myself that life could be better than at this moment now. Well, I am going to try and 'get a grip' as Mum and Dad would say and make good choices for myself and not let my life's history get in the way, i.e. run when I am scared and make excuses galore for doing it.

Kyoung Hee and I talked about almost everything this weekend after a week of virtual silence except for good morning and have a good day. We had lunch on Saturday afternoon and both of us just started communicating really easily with each other about what we wanted. Don't get me wrong, we have always talked a lot to each other, but this was a lot more honest, from both of us, especially me.

We both feel the same way about a lot of things in life and I honestly believe we are a great match. She comes from a very dysfunctional family, which bothered me sometimes, even right up to about a week ago, but so what! She is with me and unlike me, she has not brought her emotional baggage with her, about all of that.

I said she was needy, but shit I am probably one of the neediest guys out there, just don't show it, or is it that transparent? Hey, come on now, be nice!!!!!!

We both agreed to give ourselves a break and to stop worrying about the future. We both need to save money to feel more secure, so that is plan number one. The other things was to share some more time with each other, exploring Korea and just hanging out a little more with each other. That is not to say that we are not going to give each other freedom, but we just talked about being friends without all the other crap attached to it.

I really like hanging out with her, I just, for some reason, kept stopping myself from doing it too much. I guess I thought if I hung out with her too much, I was being a wuss ass!!!! Maybe that is just flashbacks from my past that I need to put to rest permanently by forgetting about them. She is fun, funny, easy-going and just good company. I forgot that to tell you the truth until we had dinner on Saturday. She gets on my nerves and I get on hers, but hey we want to be together, so why not?

I am going to live in the moment and stop thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. I have put three priorities in their order of importance:

1. Save a good chunk of money
2.Keep fit and healthy.

3. Stop second guessing my life.

The rest will just fall into place or out of place, but so what! Part of the reason that I wanted a blog was so that I could write down what I was feeling and hopefully share it with other people that may or may not be going through the same things. As embarassing as it can be to share your thoughts with the world, I think that this blog has helped me to make the right decision for myself.

Reading the 2 blogs that I put on earlier in the week, made me realize how up and down my behaviour is. Maybe it sounds the same way to anyone that reads this, but at least I know what my problem is and can try to do something about it.

Now all that is off my chest, I have also decided to quit all booze until the World Cup begins on June 9th. I know it is only 12 days or so away, but in this country that is a big task. All the empty bottles are getting in the way also. I am going to do it because I just want to, okay? Hahaha.