Ever since I can remember, I have always been lacking in self-confidence. I don't mean around people and in life situations. I mean inside of myself. I often wonder how other people feel about themselves.
Even at the time I was very young and a bodybuilder with a great body and the world full ahead of me, I still lacked complete self-confidence. I don't mean so much self-confidence that you are arrogant, but I would like to feel very at ease with myself all the time.
My Dad and Mum have given me loads of self-confidence and have been the greatest supporters as parents that they can be. Dad always says to me that a person has to be comfortable in their own skin in order to find happiness...... A thing easily said, but very hard to accomplish.
I decided today that I am going to be proud of the way my body looks. I go to the gym everyday and run my arse off and hey for a 42 year old guy, I look damn good. I don't have a big gut and I have a nice muscular body. I can run 5kms in 29 or 30 minutes without stopping and do it at least 3 to 4 times a week.
I am not going to have the attitude that I will be happy when I drop the next 5 pounds. Screw that, I am going to be happy with myself now. I don't want to be no shallow piece of shit and hope that nobody perceives me as being like that. I am just expressing what goes on internally some of the time.
I guess being called "fat" by my students and a lot of Korean people has brought this more to the surface, but it has also been one of the dredges of having got involved in body-building at 17. It is a very vain hobby and has its negative and positive effects.
That is all I wanted to say really and I hope that some of you out there, understand what I am saying..... if not, then just don't worry and carry on with your unbreakable confidence for life..... I would be jealous, that is for sure.
"Beauty is skin deep!" I believe that and am trying to get the 'shallow hal' out of me...... a long process, but I can do it........ watch me.........
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